Losing Control ??? It is NOT the case with batterers

On our BIP (batterer's intervention program) group last night we discussed  that sometimes a  man can not control his anger, and then he just "snaps" and "loses control."  Some of the men said that stress is sometimes too much to handle and that it just causes them to "lose it." I asked the group to think of the following, very real, scenario: being at work. I asked them: "How many of you have "stressful" jobs? how many times your boss "pushes" your buttons? How many of you "snap" at your boss for saying or doing something you didn't like? How many of you hit, push, slap, kick and say mean and hurtful things to your boss?  None!  Because you know it is unacceptable and you will have serious consequences.  So when  men say that they "lose control" (at home) that is quite the opposite - they have all the control and they know when, how and at whom they can strike at.  None of the 15 men in the group could argue with that. Total silence for 10 seconds.  Domestic violence is a "controlled behavior"-a physical, mental, psychological act- on purpose. In group, men are learning how to treat their partners as equals and with respect.  We are exploring socialization factors that influence their gender roles and how they have learned to behave this way.